IT’S SEASON FOUR, EVERYONE! This year we are doing quarterly themes – and I’m so excited to bring you the theme for the first quarter: THE ENNEAGRAM. I basically do not shut up about it any time it’s brought up, so dedicating such a big portion of the year to this is VERY on brand. This episode is all about the specifics when it comes to the enneagram types and how they’re represented in different relationships.

The Enneagram In Relationships with Jacqueline Stevens

Jacqueline Stevens is a Yale Certified Soulful Alignment Coach. She guides single female executives in navigating their own self-discovery & deep desires so they can attract deeply fulfilling meaningful relationships. She also helps high-performing boss babes who are ready to stop solely focusing on their career and are ready to start attracting a soulful, juicy, and aligned relationship centered on love, joy and growth. She is certified in enneagram teachings and uses it to help each of her clients.

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Show Notes:

  • You answered “What does hustle like a mother mean to you” last time, but you said you had maybe something different to share this time, so let’s do part two.
    • Motherhood is just so full, you know? So it’s like, I’m sure you could ask this question every day, but I feel like today it’s about prioritizing. Mothers have a lot to do and I also think we can always mother more things. And so it’s about being able to like, dedicate energy to the things that matter most now. I think just recognizing that we go through different stages of mothering with different things, when you’re creating the thing, manifesting it when you’re growing the thing, when you have it the first couple of years. Right. And then they grow into a different stage. So, it’s dedicating the attention that needs to be dedicated to the task that needs to be dedicated to. And moms know that best because they’re super intuitive and they’re like connected to everything that they’ve created. And so it’s about if you’re in your highest self and your highest wisdom, I think it becomes easier.
    • The more that I’ve discovered about myself, the more empathy and patience I have for other people.
  • So we’re gonna dive deeper into the Enneagram types for this episode – take us through these individual Enneagram types.
    • Last time, you know, we touched on that there are nine different personality archetypes. I love to use the word archetype. And so we’re gonna walk through the nine of ’em. So there are three different triads within the circle of, the Enneagram, and each of the triads thinks from a different place. 
    • The first one we’re gonna look at is the Head. They’re a thinker. [They] need to get straight to the point. We need to get right to you. We need to get the job done so you can get on. These are our Five, Six, and Seven.
      • Five
        • Five is the investigator. That’s their archetype. And in romantic terms, they’re “the lonely lover.” This person tends to be like, intense, really cerebral, and very analytical. Again, time in their head. And they’re really perceptive, they’re innovative. And since they are someone that spends a lot of time in their head and they tend to be really high-functioning, they’re more secretive and isolated.
        • As lovers, fives in life are just emotionally detached because they fear that their involvement will be draining. If they’re dedicating time to a relationship, that means that they’re dedicating less time to their pursuits, their innovations. And they also just kind of feel like since they’re spent so much time in their head, they kind of forget about the sensory in their bodies. So sex even seems like a lot of work to them. But when they do have partnership and are in a romantic, loving relationship, they can actually really channel that energy.
        • Their belief is that being detached emotionally and physically is how they feel safe and superior. They truly believe that I’m not a slave to my emotions or my desires.
      • Six
        • Six is the loyalist. Their sexy archetype is a “loyal lover.” And so they’re committed, they’re really security-oriented, they’re engaging, they’re responsible. They’re also a little anxious. They’re super committed, they’re super secure. They want their family and themselves to be secure. And so there’s an anxiety that can create and then they can get suspicious, right? 
        • Their motto is “finding the courage to love in the face of fear.” They need to find the courage to love and face the fear that it won’t work out. Some people, if they’re in shadow in this, they might not wanna approach relationships because they’re just fearful that the other person isn’t gonna be loyal to them. They’re projecting their insecurity. 
        • Sixes as a lover are funny. They’re reliable and engaging, and they bring courage to the relationship. They’re loving and loyal. 
        • Their belief is that I am committed to my relationships and my partner can depend on me.
      • Seven
        • Seven is the enthusiast. They are “a spontaneous suitor.” Sevens are busy, always going to things. [They are] fun, loving, are little performers, they’re versatile. They can be well-suited in different environments. But they can be distractable and scattered. Because they love doing so much, they might lack discernment or be easily distracted and be scattered. 
        • Their motto is “passion, pleasure, and the pursuit of love.”
        • Sevens as lovers – they want excitement. These are people that really crave excitement. So in relationships, they want something new or stimulating that really is able to give them an extra blood rush, pun intended. They want somebody to fulfill them now. They really like being in the energy of other people and they’re inclined to avoid dealing with their relationship problems. They want everything to be super fun and they love freedom. And so they like the idea of being in a relationship, but sometimes committing can be difficult. 
        • The belief for sevens is “I am more exciting and open-minded than others are in bed.”
    • We’re gonna move into the Body with Eight, Nine, and One.
      • Eight
        • The [eight] archetype is the Challenger, which again, is super masculine, right? This is the alpha. He’s “a lusty lover.” [They] are powerful. They’re dominating, they’re super self-confident. They’re passionate. They’re decisive and they are willful and they are confrontational.
        • Eight’s life motto is, “life is rough, but I’m tougher.”
        • Lust is Eight’s passion – they demand gratification. So eight lovers, they wanna be direct. Fighting and making up can really be a stimulant to them. It can be kind of like a fun thing for them. And they also love to demand control in the bedroom. They think that’s how they serve, right? So for them, demanding control is about serving their partner. Sex is passionate and plentiful. But it could lack hours of gentle foreplay.
        • Their belief is the longest profile of all of them. They have a strong sex drive and they are in life, independent and self-sufficient. They really do value relationships, but they don’t need them. And it’s really important for them to be able to prove themselves and to be self-sufficient. They, love to be strong lovers. They don’t wanna be taken advantage of. Sex is good and more sex is better. They work hard. And so like, I think for them, the intimacy in a relationship is a place that they can like play.
      • Nine
        • Nines are the peacemakers. They’re “the essential sweetheart.” Nines are easy-going and self-sufficient. They’re receptive. They’re reassuring, they’re really agreeable. They can also be complacent. One of my observations about nines, and this is a little bit more shadowy, is that sometimes they really value seeing both sides, so sometimes what that can look like is they aren’t decisive. They will choose inaction versus saying something to essentially, you know, offend somebody or hurt somebody’s feelings. 
        • Their motto is, in romantic terms, “was that good for you baby?”
        • Nines can sometimes lean in the direction of twos, in the sense that they just want everybody to be happy. They just want everybody around them to be happy and feel good. And if everybody around them is feeling good, they’re usually doing pretty okay. 
        • Nines as lovers are usually relaxed and accepting. They’re happy to please. They’re sensual and uncomplicated, but when they’re stressed or when their partner is stressed, they forget about their own desires and they deprioritize, you know, pleasure and the relationship in general. 
        • Their belief is “whatever you like works for me. I don’t see a problem with that.”
      • One
        • One is the reformer – sometimes a perfectionist. The romantic one is “the sinning saint.” 
        • Their motto is, “I do the right thing.”
        • As a lover, they’re okay. They’re principled, they’re purposeful, they’re self-controlled, and they’re perfectionists. As a lover, the perfectionist, sometimes conservative and controlled nature, they often have a rigid outlook when it comes to sex, right? They wanna do things right. They’re really focused on, “am I doing it right?”
        • Their belief is “I’m a good partner and I make love correctly.”
    • Now we’re gonna move to the Heart with Two, Three and Four.
      • Two
        • Two is the helper, the server and the sexual archetype is “the sexy seducer.” Twos are caring, they’re really interpersonal. They care a lot about relationships. They wanna show you how to do the right thing. Twos – we all need to love ourselves more. We all wanna be in amazing relationships. We’re generous. And then the shadow is, we’re a little people-pleasing. I can be possessive if I don’t feel like I’m getting what I want or what I need. My core fear is that I’m not gonna be useful. 
        • Their motto is, “for you, my beloved.”
        • Twos as a lover are sensual and seductive. Here’s the shadow: we’re sensual, we’re seductive, we’re super caring, and we make everything about the other person. Well, secretly what [is it] about you that they’ll reciprocate?
      • Three
        • Three is the achiever and is also awesomely orgasmic They are success oriented. They are pragmatic because they like a clear finish line. It is about the goal. They are adaptive, they excel, are driven, and are image-conscious. 
        • Their motto is “fake it until you make it.” That’s like a real trigger for our threes, right? Because I think a lot of times we do that to have the appearance of success so that we get the external validation that we need. Again, twos, threes, and fours, it’s all about the emotion that is challenging for us – we don’t wanna feel shame. We don’t wanna feel less than, we don’t wanna feel unworthy.
        • Your updated motto we’re gonna say is “vision it until you make it.”
        • Three, as a lover, they love to feel that love is earned through their achievements. They often look to solve intimacy issues in the same way that they would solve their workplace issues. At the end, we just wanna know we did a good job. So if you trust that you know that you did do a good job, that would change things. 
        • Here’s your relationship belief – “I am better than others and am a more superior lover because I am better in bed.”
      • Four
        • Four is the individualist. They’re “the romantic Romeo” or “the romantic Juliette.” They’re sensitive, right? They’re a little bit more withdrawn. but they can be expressive.  They are the individualist, the artist, the romantic. They can [also] be dramatic, right? There’s like this drama.
        • The four’s motto is “somewhere out there, my true love, my soulmate, is waiting.” They’re almost like a tortured soul.
        • They have high expectations. Fours are romantic, intense, self-aware, also sometimes self-absorbed, passionate, and also moody lovers who put a huge emphasis on their relationships. They really long for someone like a lover that gets them and that they can really be authentic with and intimate with. If they’re in shadow, their relationships are an emotional rollercoaster. 
        • Their belief is, “I am unique and you won’t find anyone else like me.”
  • So where can we find you on the internet, Jax? Where do you live?

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